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Archive for April, 2008

Parlez-vous français?

April 28, 2008 Leave a comment

I guess not.

For every time I watch this ridiculous, atrocious, and unfortunately unforgettable performance, I play the soundtrack of Les Choristes ten times in a row.

I’ve done it so many times and I DON’T KNOW WHY.

ps: Did you just watch that? I’m sorry for polluting your ears.

Dear Women of Philadelphia

April 25, 2008 2 comments

I know. It’s nice out. We’ve been waiting for this for a long time, and our patience has been rewarded; it’s sunny and warm, just like a blissful summer day–minus the atrocious humidity. But that doesn’t mean you can wear a fucking napkin as a shirt.

No.

For the love of God and all that is holy, please take a good look at yourself in the mirror–preferably a full-length mirror–before leaving your house. And do it right.

What do I mean by that? Allow me to explain.

When some people look at themselves in the mirror, it goes something like this:

“Does it look good?” –> “Yes.” –> *leaves house*

Wrong. That should not be the first question you ask yourself when evaluating your appearance. Simply put, whether or not you look good depends on the answers to a great many questions. Try these instead:

– Is it too small?
– Are my ta-tas hanging out?
– Is anything else hanging out?
– If the wind starts blowing, will it fly away?
– Does it look like a napkin?

If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, the answer to “Does it look good?” is nothing but a resounding and emphatic “NO!”

I’m going to start carrying a permanent marker at all times; every time I see someone wearing something ridiculously ill-fitting, they’re getting a free tattoo.

Categories: people, Philly Tags:

A New Twist on Old Sayings

April 24, 2008 Leave a comment

“A egg in a basket, a egg in a basket is something something, better than a a a a hand in a bush or something, yeah, I know what you’re saying.”

I don’t know what YOU’RE saying.

Categories: Facebook, people, Philly Tags: , , , ,

I hate roaches.

April 14, 2008 Leave a comment


If the violence in Philly doesn’t make me start carrying a gun, this might. I can already picture kids skateboarding through the city and unloading backpack after backpack full of roaches.

And if I’m carrying a gun, and someone throws even a single roach at me, I will FUCKING SHOOT THEM.

Also, this ad is fucking stupid.

Categories: Personal Tags: , ,

HA! HA! I’M USING THE INTERNET!!!1

April 8, 2008 1 comment

I was reading some blog and came across a comment that asked something stupid like, “Who is Marie Trintignant?”

Why stupid? No, Marie Trintignant isn’t a household name, nor is she a historically significant person. As a matter of fact, unless you’re French, or a French cinema aficionado, there’s no reason why the name “Trintignant” should ring a bell at all.

But since the context makes it clear that she is (was) a celebrity, and assuming that you’re on the Web at the moment you’re writing that comment (I know it sounds a bit far-fetched but bear with me), why don’t you just LOOK IT UP?

The Internet wasn’t called “the information superhighway” for nothing, after all. So, unless you’re at work, or on a public computer, and you want to find out what bukkake is, I suggest you use it.

“it” being the Internet; not bukkake.

And, in anticipation of any smart-ass comments, I offer you the following links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Trintignant
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Louis_Trintignant
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukkake (NSFW due to subject matter)

ps: Yes, I know the difference between the Internet and the Web, so hold your comments on that, too.

Categories: Facebook, people Tags: , , ,

SEPTA Increasing Subway Security

April 7, 2008 Leave a comment

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/local&id=6064476

concernedcitizen10 has a very good point. I’d like to add to that the fact that kids get out of school way too early. 3pm? Give me a break. That’s the time most schools have their mid-afternoon breaks in France.

The efforts to make people use public transportation instead of their cars are all in vain until this violence issue gets resolved. I’d rather pay an exorbitant amount of money for gas, waste my time in traffic jams, and get to where I’m going intact (barring any road-related injuries) than pay an exorbitant amount of money for a transpass and hand my life over to a bunch of punks.

Unfortunately, I don’t have car.

Categories: Facebook, Philly Tags: , ,