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Trader Joe’s Complete Body Cleanse, Day 14 *LAST DAY*

September 13, 2010 Leave a comment

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Yesterday was the last day of this stupid cleanse. Got up early to continue the carpet-rippin’ fest because I wanted to finish it all before today, and I did it!

And this is how much trash I have to take to the curb tonight:

Oh, right, the cleanse.

Breakfast: scrambled eggs with diced and sauteed red peppers and onions
Snack: banana and tamari roasted almonds

Lunch, snack, and dinner:

That’s stir-fried organic brown rice pasta, red peppers, mushrooms, turkey, and onions; banana sorbet made with frozen bananas and orange juice; and a Morning Star veggie patty (Tomato & Basil Pizza) with steamed eggplant and sesame soy ginger vinaigrette.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it! Took the last of my pills before bed, slept like shit, woke up at 4:30am, then at 5am, had breakfast (whole wheat bagel with peanut butter and blueberry preserves) got to the hospital around 6:15, mom went off to surgery around 8, and I’m just sitting in the surgical waiting room until they call me up to her room. Spoke to the doc on the phone after the surgery (~9:50) and all went well; she’s in the recovery room now and I should be getting the call soon.

Meanwhile I went to the 7-Eleven across the street (the only food place within eyesight of this hospital) because I was hungry. In two minutes, I voided this whole 14-day cleanse. I ate this premade “sausage” “egg” and “cheese” on a “twister roll” (whatever the hell that is) — and it didn’t taste like anything. The list of ingredients was quite impressive for what should have been relatively simple. Shit. It wasn’t even 10:30 yet. I also bought a bag of SunChips because they’re delicious… and a bottle of water.

I’ll try not to eat anything until tonight. Or just healthy shit. Speaking of tonight, I need to figure out what to have for dinner. I don’t know what time I want to leave the hospital today.

At any rate, I’m tired of blogging. Ha! We’ll see when my next update will be… dun dun dunnnnnnnn!

Trader Joe’s Complete Body Cleanse, Day 3

September 1, 2010 Leave a comment

Not much to report today…

– Woke up early (or on time, when my alarms went off), took a long piss and went back to sleep just because I could and also because I felt like it. Bed feels good.

– Had two eggs sunny side up with a whole wheat bagel for breakfast… delicious and filling! Didn’t need to fix lunch since that was the leftovers from last night’s dinner.

– Took a huge shit.

– Had just enough money in my wallet to buy a Green Machine Naked Juice from the deli on the ground floor of my office building.

– Ate my lunch in three small servings and drank a lot of water.

– Got rid of a headache with a single 600mg dose of ibuprofen.

– Left work at 4:30pm (I usually leave at 2); didn’t get to try the prospective gym because I hadn’t answered some questions they’d emailed me and I had to hit up Trader Joe’s anyway.

– Got tamari roasted almonds and four pounds of seedless red grapes from TJ’s, as well as some milk for mom.

– Had lots of grapes when I got home, some stew and bread for dinner, a slice of watermelon (sans salt this time), and some more grapes.

I might have farted a couple times this evening and felt a tad bloated but I’m good now. I haven’t taken my digestive pills yet so I’ll do that shortly… I’m curious to see what the next two bowel movements will be like given the amount of meat that was recently consumed. Energy-wise I’m doing okay; feeling tired and sleepy at work but that’s nothing new…

Pretty boring day overall. I’m planning another cucumber-tomato-onion-olive salad for lunch tomorrow. I will definitely make it to the gym this time, so I might take a Luna bar with me. Is that cool?

Trader Joe’s Complete Body Cleanse, Day 2

August 31, 2010 Leave a comment

I’m very happy to report that today has been relatively fart-free after having farted my way through the night — I even farted myself awake at 3:40 am. Naturally I was a bit nervous about what my day would be like, but I soon realized that I had run out of gas. I had a decent-size bowel movement, which briefly interrupted my brainstorming session for meals. I didn’t know whether or not I could eat oatmeal and frankly could not bother to look it up because I was not the least bit interested in it today. I decided to make my lunch instead: sliced cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, and olives with a little tiny bit of balsamic vinaigrette. I shit you not, that is all I took to work today. And then I said “fuck it” and made myself a sandwich for breakfast, which consisted of a whole wheat bagel and chả chiên (fried chả lụa or Vietnamese ham). WHATEVER! I had half of it and finished the rest at work, where I had a second and smaller bowel movement.

I spaced my eating pretty well so that I wasn’t starving too much by the time I left work. I skipped the gym yet again because 1) I’m tired these days and 2) I wanted to hit up the Reading Terminal Market again because the Amish folks weren’t there yesterday… and I wanted to get zucchini from them.

‘Cept they didn’t have zucchini today. I did get some carrots, though!

Oh, and 3) I’m ditching my gym for a seemingly more grandiose one. Screw you, university gym! Screw YOU, students who spend more time talking to each other than working out! but I digress.

Got home and had a slice of watermelon with a tiny bit of salt… and a square of 71% cacao chocolate with a piece of whole wheat bagel. Shut up. I’m PMSing.

I roasted four chicken thighs in the oven with some eggplant, onion, and mushroom for dinner. I took a thigh out to cut it and check for doneness but ended up eating the whole thing. WHOOPS. Had another one with some of the veggies; the remaining thighs and veggies are for work tomorrow. I realize it’s way more than what I had for lunch today, and truthfully I don’t know if that matters, but it’s really difficult to change your diet/do a cleanse when you live with your mother. If she wants to cook but you can’t or don’t want to eat, you’ll ultimately feel bad because she either won’t get to cook, or she’ll cook but no one will eat it. Perfect example: today she decided to make Bò Kho, which is a delicious Vietnamese beef stew. Guess what I’m eating tomorrow night…

Anyway. She’d bought these chicken thighs and well, there you go. Plus the box didn’t say to reduce my intake of chicken, so cluck it.

Here’s a little collage of (almost all of) what I ate today:

Some other observations:

– I’m peeing A LOT with this cleanse. It’s highly recommended to drink a lot of water throughout the day (it’s so hot anyway, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to), and I’m taking at least 16oz of water with each pill popping (the indications say 8oz).

– I noticed this morning that my skin was peeling a bit around my mouth; my manager said something about it being yeast. I’ll look more into that tomorrow.

– I’m breaking out a bit more than usual, though it could also be because I’m about to get my period (in which case it isn’t unusual). I’ve heard of other people mention breaking out a bit as a result of toxins leaving your body or something… I may or may not look more into that tomorrow.

– I’m now starting to get a headache but I’m not sure what the cause could be… I’m definitely hydrated and I don’t believe I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms, seeing as there is no coffee or nicotine to cut out of my life. Maybe it’s sugar.

That’s all, folks! I just took my three huge and smelly digestive pills. Let’s see what tomorrow brings!

Isaiah?

June 18, 2010 Leave a comment

Neighbor: ISAAAIIAAAH! (pause) ISAAAAAIIIAAAAAAAH! (pause) IIIISAAAAAIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (pause) IIIIIISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

(repeat every day at various times)

Categories: people, Philly

Can I help you?

April 1, 2010 Leave a comment

Isn’t this just one of the worst questions to be asked? I mean, really: if I present myself at a counter — say, the registration desk at the hospital — it’s precisely because YOU, person behind said counter, can help me. Or so I would hope.

Can you imagine this:

clerk: Can I help you?
me: No.

That doesn’t even make sense!

clerk: Can I help you?
me: I don’t know, can you? I mean, you’re not busy or anything, right? And you’re not completely lousy at your job?

Sometimes I want to make it look like this:

clerk: Can I help you?
me: How about I tell you what I need and you tell me if you can help me. Hm? How’s that sound?

Yeah, I’m obnoxious, but I feel like “Can I help you” is charged with attitude. Might as well ask people, “What do you want?”

Frozen in Time

February 27, 2010 2 comments

7:58 am

Do you ever wake up feeling inexplicably happy, sad, angry, or anxious? I do, quite frequently, and soon after recall a dream that infested my sleep the night before — indeed, the source of it all.

I dreamt last night that, while navigating some big city’s subway system, a huge crowd had assembled on a certain train platform. When I got closer to see what the fuss was all about, I saw them: two homeless people — a couple, I guessed — chatting, laughing, frozen. Sparkling with frost, their breaths suspended in the air, it seemed like the winter caught them in the happiest moment of their vagabond lives. They were stuck and hardened from the cold, and yet seemed to be truly free for the first time in years.

I guess their wish to make that otherwise fleeting moment last forever was granted.

I never learn . . .

May 15, 2009 1 comment

Communicating with some of my friends can be like pulling teeth sometimes. Everyone claims they love emails; yet no one bothers to reply. And then you have those who don’t reply, but do send you another email with completely different content. What gives? Typical scenario:

– friend sends email
– I reply

From there, it goes into two possible directions:

a: friend replies to my reply, I reply to that reply, and then nothing.
b: friend sends a new email, I reply, and then nothing.
b: nothing.

I’m never the one who drops the ball, so please, help me understand.

In other news, I’ve decided to start a list of things that I want to learn; similar to 43things.com, but less complicated. Here we go:

– archery
– gun shooting
– knife throwing
– woodworking
– glassblowing
– fishing

Em…to be continued.

Categories: people, Personal Tags: ,