It’s been a busy time for socialization. I didn’t mention this in my last update, but I actually met Trevor on the 2nd — the day before said update. We went to the diner that’s right by my place. The impression I got from our online correspondence was pretty spot-on: he’s a chatty guy, and our conversation was very interview-ish — I hate that. I wasn’t surprised to find out that he studied business in college; remember the bit I said about him probably being an excellent networker?
One thing that caught me off-guard was the hug he gave me when I introduced myself at the diner. Whatever happened to the good old handshake? I guess I found it especially weird because while they were long, our private messages were never particularly warm or intimate. And I guess it bothered me because it was a one-armed pseudo-hug — what I also refer to as a half-assed hug. Either hug me with both arms or just don’t. It’s not that complicated!
He wrote me later that day, but I haven’t responded. I probably should, as it’s been a while, but I’m almost content to just let it go. I’m not interested in him — neither in a romantic way nor in a platonic way. How do you tell someone that you just don’t want to hang out with them? The thing is that I can’t even find the words to justify it. There were no awkward moments, no offenses, and he’s a really nice guy. Sometimes I really wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.
The next night, I met up with Daniel again.
The evening after, I met Raphael. He picked the place: a tea house in his neighborhood. The weather was nice, and the place was full, so I agreed to sit outside when he brought up the option. And since the weather was nice, I wore shorts. And since I wore shorts, my legs were bare. And since my legs were bare, I fed the mosquitoes. In under five minutes, I got a total of ten mosquito bites. TEN. That’s after I had applied Off! all over myself. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, so we walked around. Chatty guy, that Raphael. Very pleasant to be around, charming, and very smiley. I didn’t feel like I had much to contribute to the conversation, which was okay because he filled in the blanks. Perhaps he thought I was a poor conversationalist, but I don’t care; I enjoyed just listening to him talk, and the fact that were walking the entire time helped a bunch.
He walked me to my bus stop and we parted ways; he said something about getting together again over a few beers. He’s a one-armed hugger, too; the differences between him and Trevor, however, were that 1) he explained to me that he was more of a hugger than a handshaker, and 2) I actually felt his half-assed hug (unlike Trevor’s, which was light and made me feel like his arm was just hovering — a half-assed half-assed hug?). I didn’t think I’d hear from him again, but it was fine because I didn’t feel much of a connection.
Two nights later — that’s the night of the 6th, if you’re following — I met Jason at my favorite dive in the city. We were set to meet at 7:30pm but I was about half an hour late because I took a nap and, well, found it hard to wake up.
I picked that particular bar because it was a place where I felt really comfortable — and that was something I needed, mostly because I felt a bit anxious about this particular meeting. I mentioned in my last update that we’d been corresponding via e-mail, but our messages were never very long; lots of casual “Hey what’s up, how’s it going?” type of messages. It started off with somewhat of a miscommunication, as he’d gone upstairs shortly before I walked in and sat downstairs. After exchanging a few text messages, he came downstairs and shook my hand.
I like being pleasantly surprised. We stayed at that bar for nearly five hours, talking and drinking. I’ll admit that I was a bit reluctant to leave, but the Metro had already shut down and I had to go to New York the next morning. He drove me home, which was nice. We exchanged a few text messages after I got home, and we e-mailed a bit today. In case you were wondering, he’s tall and really cute.
John, the guy whose name isn’t actually John, gave in and asked what my name was. You know what mine is; his is Joseph. See, I wasn’t too far off. We decided to meet after my upcoming trip to Philly.
Jack kept texting me every day despite my ignoring his messages. He hasn’t contacted me in the past two days, though, so hopefully we can just forget about this and avoid any potentially awkward/dangerous situations.
The others, mentioned in my previous post, sent me messages that have been read but not addressed. I should get to that at some point… I’m getting really lazy with OkCupid. As much as I spend a lot of time on the computer, I’m really having trouble keeping up with all these guys. Should I call it quits? The messages are still pouring in…
Here’s the rest of the guys with whom I’ve been corresponding; I was going to do this yesterday morning, but better late than never!
Jason, 26, was one of the first two guys to contact me after I fleshed out my profile. We talked a bit about The Zombies, and then I missed the perfect opportunity to meet him a couple days later because I was sick. He lives in Baltimore, so I don’t know when the next opportunity will arise. We’ve been corresponding via e-mail.
Compatibility: 68% Match; 67% Friend; 31% Enemy
Alex is 25 and we’ve only chatted through the site’s awful IM feature. We both like good beer and had decent conversations. We haven’t spoken in a while because I turned off the chat feature and neither has messaged the other. We had planned to check out a pizza place and a bar; all that was missing was a day and time.
Compatibility: 80% Match; 82% Friend; 19% Enemy
Bob is not his real name so this will have to do for now; he’s 28 and, according to his pictures, smokin’ hot. The site’s stalker feature showed that we’d been checking each other out, so he shot me a message with a random question. We’ve been learning a bit more about each other slowly, but somehow I doubt that a meeting will ever take place. DAMN he’s hot.
Compatibility: 89% Match; 9% Friend; 7% Enemy — I just have to comment on these numbers. If you were to turn this into a real story, we’d be a great couple until we break up and decide it’d be best to not remain friends. No hard feelings; it’s just better that way.
21-year-old Ben messaged me and talked about trying out his building’s pool for the first time and taking chances; our few messages are short and non-informative. He lives in Maryland, in a town I’ve never heard of.
Compatibility: 75% Match; 55% Friend; 23% Enemy
I’m saving the best for last because this shit is really priceless. I actually don’t know how I feel about the whole situation but I need to share. To respect his privacy, I’m going to change his name and not mention what he does or where he lives. He’s 30.
Jack first IMed me on the site asking a relatively harmless question — namely, what I was doing in on a Saturday night. The conversation flowed really easily and I checked out his profile. He seemed very easy-going and I thought he was very cute. He’s got a little crooked smile that makes him that much more adorable. We talked about meeting up some time later and I gave him my number — I’m now thinking it was a bit too quick, but oh well, too late now. I forgot about it and didn’t talk to him for a while until I got a random text message from him. From there on, we started to text rather than IM or message each other online. Relatively normal stuff, nothing perverted — just “Good morning, have a nice day” type of stuff. He’s been very sweet and funny, something that every woman, I’m sure, can appreciate.
Our compatibility is fairly low, as you’ll see at the end. I could have told you right away that we would never be a good match, simply because of the way he types; he’s a 30-year-old who types like he’s 20. Yes, people; I judge you based on how you type. Anyway…
He started calling me “sexy” and “gorgeous” in his text messages. For those of you who don’t know me, that’s just one more step in the wrong direction. He kept telling me about how he really wanted to cuddle — which doesn’t exactly strike me as odd because over the past few months I’ve had quite a few of those requests (from guys that I actually know, though).
And then, on Friday morning, at 7am, I get this:
“Wish you were here. Hope you have a good day”.
I thought about it for a second, and jumped right out of bed. Without even bothering to find my glasses, I walked to my computer and squinted at the screen. Google. First name, last name, city, state… “search”.
I can’t say I was actually shocked by what I found; I think it was more of an “Oh no, what have I gotten myself into” feeling. Are you ready for this?
Four years ago, when Jack was 26, he got arrested for having sexually explicit online conversations with an undercover cop who was posing as a pre-teen. A pre-teen — that’s a fucking child. And get this: Jack was a police officer at the time. On the bright side, he was arrested at his home, unlike others who were arrested at various places where they thought they were meeting the children to have sex. Whether or not he was ever thinking about meeting the fictitious teen remains a mystery for now.
I’m not sure whether or not I can give somebody like this the benefit of the doubt; was he serious about that at the time? Who IMed who first? Did the fictitious pre-teen come with a picture? Most importantly, did he learn his lesson? And has he changed since then?
I know what you’re gonna say: pedophiles are disgusting, there is no excuse for this shit, etc. Consider, though, the way that teens and pre-teens have been acting and dressing in the past years. There is no doubt that some youngsters are very good-looking; I don’t care how old you are, I’m sure you’re capable of admitting this as well. That being said, there is clearly a line to not cross; if you know that someone is below the legal age of consent, you should not mess with them. Period. On the other hand, flirting is fun, and doing it online is relatively harmless… right?
You can tell I’m pretty torn about this issue. I never replied to his morning text, and I let his evening text slide by as well. He’s on vacation this week; I’ll take this time to think about it some more, but I won’t be the one to reestablish contact.
Compatibility: 49% Match; 39% Friend; 51% Enemy
It’s been ten days since I’ve been playing around on OkCupid; I can hardly believe it myself. Aside from writing about it on this blog, I haven’t told very many people about it because 1) believe it or not, I’m a very private person (I ask that this blog is neither linked to nor shared) and 2) I don’t usually give unsolicited information. Besides, it’s none of anyone’s business.
With that out of the way, I figured I should talk about the guys with whom I’ve been in contact over the past several days. I couldn’t really figure out a way to sort this list, so this is in order of sorta-preference…
Among the first to contact me was Daniel. A 20-year-old CMU graduate, he is actually one of the few who’ve managed to get and retain my attention. After a few days of chatting, it was decided that we should meet up and hang out. I noticed that we were both very shifty-eyed; I don’t know how much of that was intentional, but I admit that this is a (bad?) habit I’ve definitely developed upon moving here. Would I consider him as anything more than a friend? I feel like our age difference puts a barrier between us because my brain is constantly telling me “No” and I don’t see any other logical explanation for that. Because, when I look at it objectively, he’s interesting, intelligent, good conversation and good company, not to mention very good-looking. Yes, the boy is cute. He’s also got beautiful eyes and a great smile. Bonus: he thinks I’m cute, too.
Compatibility: 80% Match; 68% Friend; 20% Enemy
And then there is John, whose name I don’t actually know. I’ll probably get around to asking him some day, but for now I’ll just call him John. 28-year-old John and I connected with the help of Quickmatch, which asks users to rate one another on a scale of one to five stars. If two users rate each other four or more stars, they get a message and take it from there — if they decide they want to take it anywhere. John messaged me on July 22; the thread that he started has eighteen messages to date, each of them longer than the previous one. We seem to have a great deal of things in common and amuse each other a fair amount in our exchanges. His writing is genuine and lighthearted, much like that of someone who’s writing to his best pals. He started the trend of asking each other random questions, which really makes for interesting conversation. We only just decided to go drinking at some point; he’s one of three guys with whom I have yet to chat live.
Compatibility: 90% Match; 49% Friend; 8% Enemy
Keeping with the theme of long private messages instead of IMs, there is Chad, who entered the picture three days later than Daniel and John. Like me, he is 24 and seems to have a penchant for artsy things. His messages are long and carefully written, whether by nature or conscious effort (I’m banking on the former). Writing him makes me feel a bit melancholy, perhaps because we can relate on that particular level. He lives in Baltimore, so I don’t think we will be meeting in person any time soon.
Compatibility: 81% Match; 76% Friend; 18% Enemy
My third keyboard-pal is Trevor, a 26-year-old who can come off as bit pretentious in his writing but not overtly so. Perhaps a better word would be “proper” or “appropriate” — not to say that Chad isn’t proper and appropriate, but I feel as though conscious effort is put into Trevor’s messages to make them engaging, as opposed to Chad’s fluid, almost-stream-of-consciousness writing. That being said, he seems like a good conversationalist and I would not be surprised if he were excellent at networking. We exchanged numbers (as well as a few text messages) and are set to meet this upcoming Sunday at a diner.
Compatibility: 76% Match; 72% Friend; 24% Enemy
Raphael is 29 and introduced himself via private message before Chad and Trevor. We’ve exchanged several messages but none has been as long nor as thoughtful as my other exchanges. Our messages haven’t been particularly engaging or enthusiastic, but we will be meeting on Tuesday evening for tea and maybe food.
Compatibility: 86% Match; 44% Friend; 12% Enemy
These are most of the main guys — I’ve got more in stock but will write about them tomorrow when I feel I can get the right words together. Meanwhile, there are some “real-life” guys I’ve been neglecting…